Thing of the Day: Abbreviations

Today Momma Bogo sent me a text that read like so:

"Hi hun plz call gma she has smth 4 u. XO Luv u!"

This got me thinking about several things. Firstly--Momma B. You have a smartphone. You can type up to 180 characters into a single message to me. I understand hun, plz, and even luv (although I am slightly offended, since we all know luv =/= LOVE--thankssss, mom), but smth? Smth is not an appropriate abbreviation for the word it is meant to signify, which, by the way, is "something." I spent nearly one full minute trying to figure out why my grandmother had a Smith for me and what exactly a Smith is--the cocktail? The name of a beloved brunch spot on 3rd avenue? After 60 seconds of dumbfounded contemplation I realize mother has simply left out the o-e-i-n-g and given me less than half of the letters of a word to work with and my grandmother has something for me. Duh.

Something turns out to be a card I have to sign for a package she is bringing to the long lost relatives in Mother Russia. Borrrrrrrring. All that deciphering and not even a bottle of wine Ruski vodka (common grandparent to grandchild gift in the Bogo fam), let alone a handful of crisp bills.

This disappointing experience led to me to ponder on abbreviations--namely, those I find appropriate and use in everyday conversation on a regular basis, and those I despise and immediately judge people for.

A short list:

Fav. abbrevs:

-Fav. Not to be confused with fave, which just kind of sucks
-Abbrevs. Because abbreviations just has far too many syllables

-Ush (pronounced you-zhe), as in usual. Hard to spell, but comes in very handy

-Obv. Not to be confused with OBVI wish I hate hate hate and should be limited to the realm of 13 year olds with Blackberries and excessive amounts of Facebook comments.

-Miz. As in, miserrrry and death.

-WTF.

-OMG.

-BTW (pronounced bee tee dubz)

-Eva, neva, whateva, and any replacement of "er" or "ar" with just a. Gangsta.

Un-fav. abbrevs.

-LOL, LMAO, ROFL. I hate people who say LOL or LMAO instead of just "Haha." And ROFL? Please. You are not only a poor abbreviator but a liar since clearly you are NOT Rolling On The Floor Laughing and rather, you are typing to me.

-Ur. Just type your. Just do it.

-Ure. So much worse than Ur. Where did that e come from. What's the point of abbreviating if you tack on extra letters as you please?

-Plz. That doesn't look or sound even a little bit like please. Maybe pills. But please? I justtt don't see it.

-2, 4, and any use thereof (especially 2gether 4ever)

Just a brief compilation. Now, in full words, what in the world have I been doing for the past two weeks? Weeeeeeellll, other than the usual eating and drinking in excess I have:

1-Gotten my first post-graduate life interview. YAY. I might not have to rely on Google Adwords via my blog and personal checks via my mother to get myself through life after all.

2-Taken up several new television interests, namely, Glee, Bored To Death, and a rekindled love affair with Californication and Dexter. Also eagerly buidling up a TiVo queue of Modern Family. Between the first three episodes of the first two, a teenager has gotten pregnant, a crazy wife has plotted to take said teenagers baby and pass it off on her own, hot men have danced on stage and on football fields, a 30 year old guy has accidentally hooked up with a 16 year old girl (at St.Ann's, no less! Fellow Brooklynites rejoice--we are finally being recognized in television!), and two straight male best friends have gotten colonics together. Ah, fall TV.

3-And of course, eaten several meals worth noting. I won't bore you with the details but can't pass up a brief description of brunch at Marche Artisan Foods (croissant french toast with honey butter and cinnamon, goat cheese mushroom and potato crepes with warm gruyere sauce, smoked salmon and creme fraiche open faced sandwich , warm apple crisp a la mode, pomegranate mimosas).

4-There are birthday cupcakes in the office today. Crap. Till next time.