Thing of the Day: Updates

A couple of funny/important things happened in the past three weeks that I was too lazy to write about (in brief: Tiger Woods lost his shit, my mother put a menorah on top of our Christmas tree in lieu of a star in an effort to pretend she is a good Jewish parent and sent it to my Blackberry with the caption "sorry for not throwing you a bat mitzvah", I went apartment shopping with a friend in Manhattan over Thanksgiving and for the first time ever thought that maybe graduating and being a real life adult might not be that bad (cue browsing cute furniture store websites instead of job opportunity websites), The Fantastic Mr. Fox (aka why children's movies will always be better than adult movies, I was offered an amazing job opportunity for next semester (details to be divulged upon confirmation), this website, but after a disappointingly long hiatus I have finally found something too ground breaking to not share with the world.

This morning, upon perusing The Daily Beast (the onlllllllly way to get the news/so busted yes this is where I got the title for this blog), I discovered that not only does the new Harry Potter movie (the only other thing I am looking forward to in my real life adult existence) has a release date (early November 2010), but it will also be featuring the great HP in all his greatness...naked.

I thought I missed my chance to see Daniel Rupert in his birthday suit when Mama B refused to take me to go see Equus on Broadway, but as the stars will have it--myself and the other 100 million Harry Potter fans out there get a second attempt at happiness/child pornography. Apparently, the first installment of the 7th book will feature a love scene between Harry and Hermione (scandalous!) where HP will be nude. Hopefully, the fact that the movie will now have to be rated at least PG-13 will help in other aspects as well--more badass battle scenes, more pre-teens yelling curse words, and some hot and heavy petting. J.K Rowling and co: 1, PTA: O.

In addition to this glorious gem, The Daily Beast also informed me that one of my fave rappers, 50 cent (I know he really went downhill after "we gonna party like it's yo birthday" but the man still holds a fine place in my heart), would like to participate in a musical collaboration with the one and only Susan Boyle. Other than seeing Harry Potter naked, I can literally think of nothing else that I would enjoy more. I can't imagine how this mash-up could possibly work. Will Fitty be belting show tunes? Will SuBo burst out in rap? Fitty was quoted saying ""She's cool. I'd love to take her clubbing, show her around my world. She'd have a great time." If anyone anywhere knows of a club that would admit 50 Cent and Susan Boyle to the same VIP section, pleaaaaaaase call me. I would do anything to be there.

Speaking of clubs, I have become very interested in the idea of spending my New Years' Eve at the Lady Gaga concert at The Fointainebleau in Miami. Although Lady GaGa is clearly a treacherous biddy for abandoning her hometown of NEW YORK on the most important party night of the year, I would forgive her in an instant if I could somehow score the dollaz to make it to a)Miami and b)The Fointainebleau. Unfortunately, after requesting both a new Mac (peace out forever, Dell), and a new watch for the holiday my family has affectionately dubbed Christmakkuh, the money I can squeeze out of the fam this holiday season has dried up and then some, and I don't envision Mama B or the ever more generous Grandma B fronting the cash for me to get tipsy and gawk at celebs in the MIA, so all possible travel accommodations are on me. Life is hard. Does anyone know of a part time holiday season job that will make me about a thousand extra dollars in a week?

Until then, save one fifteen minute presentation on Friday morning, I am officially done with any and all schoolwork this semester! That and my internship ending tomorrow (my co-intern and I are celebrating with a classy lunch at the Hooters down the block) has left me feeling both incredibly relieved and depressingly old. I have one semester of college left before I am done forever (until graduate school, which of course is nothing like real college at all and lacks all of my favorite things about being a student: fraternities, costume parties, communal on-campus living, meal plan, cab cash, Greek list serves, and the Human and Organizational Development program) and I can't believe I am 7/8ths done with my undergraduate career. Being 7/8ths done with something is basically being completely finished--who would ever offer someone 1/8th of something? Just rude--and I am as, if not more, confused about my life direction as ever. But you don't read this blog to listen to me whine about having no post-graduation plans (speaking of, you who read this blog--I recently installed Google Analytics to determine if there was a you at all, and A--there totally is! Thank you and I'm flattered and honored, and B--if you hail from The Philippines, London, Copenhagen, or Alaska, can you please tell me who you are? Because I'm moderately confused about how you stumbled upon my bantering (thanks, creepy map feature))--you read this blog to be updated about the hilarious and ridiculous shit happening in the world and my life, so for your laughing pleasure:

Mama B has booked a five day skiing trip to Stowe in Vermont. For a normal, coordinated and adept human being, this would be great news and an excuse to spend fun family time in the mountains. Except last time I went skiing with my family they tricked me into attempting a black diamond when I have barely reached blue square level and I had to be escorted down in a toboggan by the emergency rescue people who are usually reserved for, well, emergency rescue, rather than crying twenty year old girl being walke down the mountain by her exasperated father on foot as he carries her skis in one hand. And last time, we were at least in Montreal, where I could opt to stay behind and shop/eat/nap in a cultural metropolis. I have Googled Mt. Stowe extensively. There is nothing else to do. I might attempt snowboarding, just to be funny, and have an excuse to be worse than the five year olds whizzing past me on the slopes.

Other holiday plans include: The Rockettes (score), holiday reservations at Momofuko Ko (score score score), D.C (possibly. I was so enamored after my last visit that I can't stay away), Miami (hopefully. But unless I find a suga daddy pen pal from the 305 before then, I'm not so sure) and a lot of detoxification.

Stay tuned for my Christma(kkuh) list. And a very very very belated what-I'm-thankful-for-one.

Oh, and I know that updates aren't really a "thing of the day," but there was absolutely nothing that this post was primarily about, so sorry I'm not sorry.

Thing of the Day: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Last night, after over a year of waiting, I finally had the chance to travel back to my beloved Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry and see Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I have a lot to say about the Harry Potter movie so I have to throw in two quick Muggle facts before I do so:

1)The lovely people at IAC have decided I am not only witty but also fashionable, so in addition to reading my frequent rants and raves about life on The Daily, the single-digit following of my blog can also skim my musings on trends, style and shopping at ProntoStyle. My posts are the ones by Nikki B (duh) and offer insight on things I am wearing and things I would like to be wearing. These posts make me sound a lot more stylish than I actually am, but I am having a great time writing them and they are leading me to do even more internet shopping at work than I did before. Nonetheless, yay awesome internship duties!

2)Yesterday afternoon I got into an almost-physical altercation with a postman! Alright, it was a postwoman, but W-T-F! Aren't these supposed to be friendly people? "The milkman, the paper boy and evening TV?" Postpeople are always portrayed on television to be bastions of kindness and neighborliness, not scary obese women who elbow you out of the way at the subway.

Now that that has been said--Harry Potter.

Harry Harry Harry...I am up there as one of your biggest fans. Seriously. My BBM name for the past three days has been "Viktor Krum." And although my BBM status is still "Hogwarts," I must say the last time I was so disappointed was when I pretended to be asleep on my couch and watched my tipsy-from-Christmas-dinner parents wrap my presents under the tree and precariously perch them in a messy heap (yes, I am Jewish. We're just fun).

There were, of course, some high points in the movie, which I will proceed to lay out in (short) list format.

-Ron's Quidditch game. Frankly, I'm impressed with any scene in which Ron doesn't fail at something because he is clearly the least awesome character. Proof? Rupert Grint got swine flu. But Ron looked almost attractive up there flexing his Wizarding muscles.
-Ginny tying Harry's shoe. Ginny Weasley, you little slut. I don't know if it's a Wizard thing but J.K Rowling CERTAINLY didn't have a shoe-tying scene in the book. You might as well have bent down and handed HP a condom.
-Creepy baby-Voldemort. Ugh, I said his name. Anyway. I am not a fan of horror movies but the only thing that really really scares me is creepy children. Ever since I realized my little sister looks suspiciously like the little girl from the ring (or did, when the movie came out. My little sister is actually kind of hot now and I don't think I like it), I have been obsessed with creepy evil movie children and whether they are convincing. Baby-Voldemort? Good. Little girl from Orphan? Bad. Very bad.
-Lavender Brown. Lavenderrrr. You were this film's saving grace. Whoever this chick is ("Jennifer Smith"? have a less exciting name,please), she was brilliant. Simply brillz. She was hilarious and phenomenally convincing as Won-Won's crazy girlfriend. I foresee many drunk/annoying best friend roles in her future. (Think vomiting best friend in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, but cuter).
-Dumbledore's fire-thing in the evil cave. HBP, did you even have a special effects budget? This was the only cool and badass thing that occurred ALL MOVIE. Where was the Death Eaters vs. Dumbledore's Army fight scene? Where was the escape from Privet Drive? I know we're in a recession, but Transformers II seemed to be able to conjure up all the explosions it needed! Come ON, HBP!

I think I'm ready for bad things now.

-Hermione. Emma Watson, really? I like you a lot as a person, think your recent Burberry ads are flawless, and can't wait to stalk you in NYC next year, but Hermione's pout in this movie could rival Serena Van Der Woodsen's (in terms of how many times it showed up--not in quality, of course). During the scene where she cried, my fellow Potterphile Jackie and I actually laughed at how bad of an actress EW is.
-Lack of battle scenes. See above. Do I need to plan a fund-raiser to acquire more money for the special effects budget of The Deathly Hallows? I don't think I can handle an action-less final installment. Vanderbilt has an unusually high endowment. Say the word, JKR.
-Complete abandonment of 3/4 of the novel. Why did the director spend 10 minutes on a made up scene in which Harry flirts with an afro-ed Muggle and decide to leave out crucial Harry-Snape, Harry-Dumbledore and Harry-Ginny interactions? I haven't read the sixth book in a while but even I knew things were awry. Also, the "fire in the Burrow" scene? DIDN'T HAPPEN.
-Harry and Ginny's "kiss". I have kissed my cab drivers goodbye more passionately at the end of a long night. For serious, I am pretty sure she didn't even slip him the tongue. First you tie his shoes, then you kiss him the way I kiss my middle-aged Moroccan strangers? Ginny Weasley, are you a ho or a tease?

I could go on, but I think I will instead nurse my sorrows by re-reading The Half-Blood Prince and reveling in the fact that although the movie was supremely sub-par, the book remains a work of unbearable genius. Overall, if not for an amazing adult cast (Helena Bonham Carter & Alan Rickman were flawless), and some awkward British humor, I would give this movie a solid thumbs down. As of now, I am tilting my thumb downward, but inverted up at a 45 degree angle. It looks a little weird.