Thing of the Day: Speed Dating

I know that I write about encounters on the subway rather frequently, but when you're coming from Brooklyn, you really come across all kinds. This morning's offenders:

1. A yuppie businessman who would have been almost too attractive if he hadn't been reading Rich Dad, Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money--That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not...on his Kindle! This choice of commute self-help book would have been offensive enough had it come in original hardcover form, but in electronic version, it was almost nauseating. The rich teach their kids not to invest almost $400 in the Kindle. Read my blog instead.

2. An average, normal, non-gothic looking chick that had an "I <3 fangs" pin clipped to her otherwise totally normal outfit. Why, oh why, would you <3 fangs? I don't think I entirely get the vampire craze. Sure, I would follow Robert Pattinson around New York City and even to his scenes in New Jersey (crossing the GW bridge=true love, R.P) anyday, and yes, I avidly watch and obsess over True Blood (MaryAnn what the f are youuuuu), but that's because R.Patz is gorgeous, and True Blood is captivating. Not because I think that there is anything moderately attractive about sexual intercourse with the undead. I still tear up when I get my blood drawn, I do not need someone sucking it from my neck thank you very much. Why, oh why would you "<3 vampires?" They are pale and cold and can't even spend the day with you after sleeping over. Another classic case of nice girls being drawn to bad boys. Ladies, if the man needs to bite you to get off, he's just not that into you.

Subway delinquents aside, the real reason for this post. Speed dating. I don't know how my friend Cayla got on this subject, but as summer is quickly drawing to a close and I prepare to go back to my beloved Na$hville, I have realized that I will avidly miss New York wierdos. Nashville has its own brand of bizarre human, of course ("But what I really wanna do is sing country music"), but you never meet people who quite match the degree of strangeness you'll find in New York. And what better way to engage in meeting unusual and interesting people than via blind date? Or 30?

Amidst g-chatting our internships away (just kidding! I love my internship. And not just because someone in my office might be reading this, because its really a rather excellent place to work and (shameless self promotion, sorry) they let me write this awesome blog), Cayla and I somehow ended up Googling "speed dating NYC" and finding almost 3 million results. Among possible replacements for our usual happy hour next week:

1. Jewish Singles Speed Dating. I love Jews. I love the Village Pourhouse. I love complimentary beverages. And I get to "enjoy up to 15 5 minute dates!"

2. Hot or Not Speed Dating. Description: " Looks aren't everything, but initial attraction is definitely key to the beginning of any lasting relationship. Ever been to a speed dating event and upon arriving and giving the other daters a once-over, you've found yourself discreetly running out? We've built in a "quality control" element into this speed dating event. Interested daters MUST create a profile with a photo and join the event "waitlist" to be considered for approval. Disclaimer: This event is not for the "thin-skinned" and the only guarantee is that 3 out of 5 single judges found attendees submitted pictures to be attractive." Submitting our photos to this would probably be a good way to boost our self confidence. Or cause us to descend into a self-pitying black hole.

3. "Size Matters" Speed Dating for Tall Singles. Despite the fact that they will be "measuring at the door," this would be a really fun event to attend with our shorter friends. We are considering calling all of our tiniest amigas, putting them in their tallest shoes, and demanding admission.

4. 50 First Dates. At this event at M1-5 Lounge (I have never heard of M1-5 Lounge but their website is the horrible kind that places techno music as you try to find happy hour prices), we would have the chance to meet 50 people for 2 minutes each. Despite very seriously considering both the Speed Date a NY Fireman and Cougars&Cubs: Young Men and Older Women events, we decided this was probably the event for us for several reasons. Firstly--it will give us the chance to meet a maximum amount of New York wierdos. And secondly--2 minutes is just short enough for us to have a little fun with this. Over the course of the day, fellow g-chatters have come up with some excellent questions to ask our 2 minute dates. Some highlights:
-"If you could be one ninja turtle, which would you be?"
-"If you could perform any Harry Potter spell on a regular basis, which would you choose?"
-"If you were a cannibal and got the chance to eat any person, dead or alive, who would you choose?"

At $29 for event registration (includes a free drink) + the 4 or so paid drinks we will definitely need to consume (~$20 at happy hour), this experience could round out to one dollar even per bizarre encounter. I've certainly invested in worse.

Thing of the Day: Robert Pattinson

I pride myself on being someone who achieves goals when they set them, and after the past month, I can honestly say that I am moderately disappointed with myself. My four missions for the month of June were to be a vegetarian (check!), work out five times a week (half check!), binge drink only when necessary (small pen mark denoting about one sixth of a check), and to meet or at least snap a creepy cell phone picture of Robert Pattinson while he is filming in NY (large red X).

I really don't have any excuse for this miserable display of celebrity stalking. Last summer, my goal was to catch a Gossip Girl taping, and I managed to do one better--sit several tables away from Blake Lively, Penn Badgely and Puppy Penny dining and being gorgeous IN REAL LIFE. Unfortunately, this scenario couldn't be documented because a. my Blackberry doesn't have a camera, and b. I am not a massive loser--I draw the line at disrupting celebs in their non-celeb life.

Thanks to this site, however, I may be able to erase the massive and accusatory red X from my list of goals. It lists filming locations for Remember Me, Gossip Girl, and various other films and shows being shot throughout New York. Truth be told, I'd prefer to meet R.Patz out and about in a bar ("Oh, hello, stranger. You look so familiar...I can't seem to place you!") so I can effectively work my charms, but I am certainly not above making dinner reservations at a conspicuous distance from his current filming locations (Um, appetizers & drinks tonight in the East Village, anyone?)

I hear Robbie and his costars will be out of town for the 4th, which is fine by me, because after tonight I will be off slipping and sliding and sunning and grilling and erasing the one-sixth of a check mark from my abysmally unaccomplished list of goals on Long Beach Island. Hopefully with Patzie'z autograph...or, you know, undershirt, tucked neatly into my weekend Vera Bradley.

Oh, and Happy Independence Day, America! I feel that no words can express 4th of July joy more than these from textsfromlastnight.com:

(301): Lady next to me is getting american flags airbrushed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.

Thing of the Day: The Kindle

This morning on the subway, among the company of your usual batch of commuting crazies (aggressive Asian lady ready to push you into the tracks for a seat, African man singingly intensely to himself under his breath, couple that makes out at his stop so aggressively that I am pretty convinced he was leaving for the army rather than the office, thirteen year olds sharing I-pod headphones and texting each other ("OMG do u thnk ppl know we r txting each otha?" "Hehe obvi bcuz we keep riting stuffz + looking @ each otha + LMAOing" "ROFL")), I looked over at the seemingly normal girl with cute shoes sitting next to me and found her to be using an overly large mobile device. My Blackberry 8830 is pretty large, but this thing was the size of my head. Upon second glance, I saw that it was not an iPhone on steriods after all--it was a Kindle.

I am normally technology's number one fan. I read the Apple blog regularly, nearly peed my pants when this baby came out, can name my favorite ten iPhone apps quicker than I can name my favorite ten friends, and will respond to any message sent to my Blackberry--text, email, or BBM--within ten minutes. But the Kindle is absolutely where I draw the line. This electronic reading device angers me for several reasons, the most important of which I will list here:

1. I love books. I love the feel of cracking open a new book, rifling through the crisp pages, reading the front panel for a summary, checking the back to see if the author is hot. I love folding down pages of the book where a sentiment rings particularly true or a ridiculous thing occurs. I love organizing my books in order of like on my bookshelf. This impostor robot book can be used for none of the above purposes.

2. It looks dumb. Kindles look really stupid. They are ugly and gray and nobody can judge you on the subway based on your choice of New Moon vs. Freakonomics.

3. It costs $359! Thus the only reason one would purchase one--for convenience and to save money on books--is eliminated. According to the Washington Post, the median number of books read by Americans last year was 9. (27% of Americans hadn't read a single book last year. America--WTF). At 9 books per year and an average of $15 per book, it would take the average American 2.5 years just to pay for the Kindle. You will probably drop and break that shit before it pays for itself. And that's not even counting the cost of books--Kindle books cost approximately $10, so you would have to read over 60 books for the cost to make up for what you are "saving." 6 and a half years of looking like a douche, here you come!

Looking away from the girl with cute shoes, I noticed TWO more people in my subway cart with Kindles, and immediately proceeded to judge them. I would rather sit next to the African singer, beating an invisible drum on his knees and shaking his head to his muttered melody, participate in a three way text session with the 13 year olds ("OMG! Kindle sux" "Ugh tot" "WTF who r u?!"), risk death by beating the Asian grandmother to a seat, and be the Deanna to the makeouters' Jon+Kate than sit next to the Kindle user.

And she WAS reading New Moon. Judged.

P.S: Whoever said sex sells was right. Or maybe my its just my friends--I know you sluts read this, I post one picture of a burger blow job and all of a sudden you're all commenting? I better see equal enthusiasm on my posts about books. Oh and, ADJ, you're right as usual--Wikipedia places the average at 5.1-5.9.