Thing of the Day: College

Foreword: This is my last LOLcat ever, I promise.

This week/end did a fantastic job re-affirming that no matter what events occur to make me believe I am ready and willing to graduate and leave college, I would like to stay at this place forever. Reasons why included:

1. They are doing a casting call for the "Russian American" version of the Jersey Shore, to take place on Brighton Beach. The casting notice says:

"Are you the Russian Snooki or The Situation? Are you a super outgoing and fun Russian American that sometimes sneaks kalbaska, pel'meni and vodka from the fridge? Can people hear the Euro/Techno/Russian music blasting from your car windows before they can see you pull up? The cameras will roll as you do what you do best...eat, drink, and PARTY."

Umm. As someone who has spent a considerable period of time perusing job postings/volunteer gigs recently, I can honestly say that absolutely no opportunity has appeared quite so cut out for my skills and interests. This would be just a summer thing, of course, and I don't really see long term career plans coming out of it (although Snooki racks in 10 Gs for doing club appearances now and several hundred of my fellow classmates paid 10 dollars each to take a picture with Pauly D when he performed at a Nashville bar) but I think the casting call is definitely worth a try.

2. I went to my first gay bar this week. It was nothing short of a phenomenal experience, and if my life plans as being Ruski Snooki or Chelsea Handler don't work out, I would very much like to play straight female best friend to a gay man for all time. My friend Bea was writing a profile piece on a waiter from our favorite restaurant, and after telling us about his life experiences (singing for the Nashville opera, getting arrested for accidentally selling several tabs of extacy to a friend in what he thought was a favor, his brief stint as a crossdresser, his love affair with his cellmate/massuese/boss etc) over a three hour long, high point of my week/semester, very wine-filled dinner, he took us to Tribe and Play, Nashville's two gay clubs. Tribe was a cool, relaxed scene made slightly more interesting by the presence of casual music videos such as this one (Jonny McGovern Gay Pimp: Soccer Practice), afterwards, we headed over to Play (officially called Play Dance Bar) for a plethora of seven foot tall beauties dressed fully in drag, men resembling those in the above music video grinding to dance moves I would be lucky to ever even endeavor, and full on fog machine, strobe lit, techno music glory. I love living in Nashville, but one of the things I miss dearly about New York is the clubby nightlife. Play is possibly Nashville's only actual club venue, and it was made even better by the fact that no sleazy sweaty men tried to dance with me, since they were all too busy with each other. Best Wednesday night ever. Thursday hurt.

3. I spent at least an hour Friday night and at least another hour Saturday night fully immersed in a foam pit. Adults see packing peanuts and think: goodie! my new Pottery Barn matching dishware has arrived! College kids see packing peanuts and think PARTY. I don't know if I am ready to go out into a world where packing peanuts are utilized solely to prevent the new picture frame I ordered to display respectable photographs of my colleagues and myself at a work holiday party from breaking.

4. Not entirely related, but in research for a class project on prison reform, I just read about this guy--"Terrible Tommy," who has spent 27 years in solitary confinement for murdering two inmates while in jail. TWENTY SEVEN YEARS. In solitary confinement. Only one journalist has ever interviewd him, in 1988 (for reference, that is when I was born). As the most co-dependent person I know, I don't think I could spend twenty seven hours in solitary confinement, let alone twenty seven years. For entertainment, Terrible Tommy (cute alliteration, Colorado Incarceration Systems), crochets and does yoga. WTF. I want Terrible Tommy's address, so I can write him a letter, and perhaps include some recent crosswords and Sudokus. Most people will never have to spend any time in solitary confinement, but as adults, they will have to spend time alone, which I do not like to do. Luckily, in college, you never have to spend time alone! As my roommates will be sure to tell you.

Happy March to everyone--Rabbit Rabbit.

Thing of the Day: Fall

Helloooo darlings! I have been the most terrible of internet perusers lately, selfishly Facebook stalking and buying shoes instead of updating the blogosphere. I come back to you wiser (I now know the favorite quotes and interests of about half my middle school) and wealthier (in closet, not wallet), and full of thoughts, observations, and of course, complaints.

Since finishing my internship one week ago, I have spent a considerable amount of time destroying both my skin cells and my liver while lounging by pools and beaches with wines and beers galore. I would love to say I worked out every day and maintained a healthy diet, but the only days I didn't gorge myself on delicious homemade Russian goods and at eateries still holding on to Restaurant Week (yes, capitalized) were those when I was too busy or too hungover to--so alas, I return not only wiser and wealthier but also wider.

Life goes on. In addition to good food, this past week was excellent in terms of entertainment. Belated, I know, but can we talk Mad Men premiere? Don Draper, I want to bear your illegitimate children. Let's play good, bad and ugly:

Good: Don Draper's illegitimate children, my girrrrrrrrrrllll Joan Holloway, skinny and moderately attractive Peggy, the flashback opening scene with Don's prostitute mother, said mother saying "dick" on cable (AMC! Whoaaaa), Salvatore's new badass TV director position, THE CLOTHESSS

Bad: Hello, Betty Draper scenes? Where art thou? Same for Peggy scenes, you can't just show her slimmed down and sexy without any background information. Don--you are having a small child, stop shmoozing waitresses/flight attendants/anything with an orofice, Pete Campbell--nobody feels sorry for you, stop bitching and let me know what you are going to do about your lovechild with P.O?

Ugly: As happy as I am for Salvatore's televized man-love experience, was it really necessary to pair him with a bellhop half his size? I'm impressed with AMC's reach-in-the-pants-scene ballsiness (mild pun intended), but I think Sal could certaintly do better. He's a pretty suave dude.

That being said, I'm happy enough with the premiere. Mad Men, True Blood, Hung, Dexter and Weeds will be good enough to get me through summer/fall TV.Good lord, I really need to take up some new free time activities. Or not.

Other quality entertainment this week included 500 Days of Summer (great), an impromptu Beatles cover band by Central Park (greater), and an amateur freestyle rapper who "spit sick beatz" for an hour non-stop as I soaked in the sun at Brighton Beach (greatest).

15 hour road trip to Nashville in the AM. Expect musings. I have quite possibly had the best summer of my life since those spent at the mountain house and nerd camp (more on nerd camp later. Just go ahead and Google "Center for Talented Youth" and feel free to judge me. Or lament the fact that I have gone from talented youth to "adult of average intelligence"), and for the first time since getting to college I am kind of sad to leave New York City for Cashville, Tennakee. I had a summer of excellent adventures, from exploring new neighborhoods to trying new cuisines to going out way too much to finding myself in situations I had never ever expected to get in. But it was good--great, in fact. At the beginning of the summer I set a goal to try 100 new restaurants/cafes/bars/clubs and can proudly say that as of my departure I am 102 venues fuller and drunker.

Goodbye Northeast. Helloooo Dirtyyyyy South.