Thing of the Day: Other People

Several of my wonderful followers (bored friends whose Safari won't let them download StumbleUpon) have furiously g-chatted me inquiring as to why I haven't been blogging (hi, KR, roomates, my ginger goddess, and fratstars who drunkenly revealed that you read my blog). The truth is, as I have repeatedly told them, that life was very interesting when I was frolicking around Europe in the spring, and moderately interesting when I was eating and drinking my way through Manhattan this summer, but now that I have returned to the dirty south, considerably less blogworthy things have happened to me. Not that I haven't been having fun--daytime drinking, eating on the meal plan, costumed frat parties and going to the same 4 bars every night have kept me wonderfully content and entertained, they just provide poor content.

So, since I am doing nothing worth reporting (short of attending the Tennessee State Fair on Sunday and consuming thousands of calories of white trash, funnel cake, hush puppy, and cheese fries. It's hard being a vegetarian at southern state fairs. Also, Tennessee is the 6th fattest state in the country. Also also, this weekend's television was phenomenal. 100 OH-MY-GOD points for Mad Men. 75 I-think-I-am-really-going-to-like-this points for Bored To Death. About 25 of those because it's filmed in Park Slope (!)) I will focus on the wonderfully reportable things happening to the 6billion + people who are not me. Because sometimes its' nice to pay attention to other people. Courtesy of Twitter.

1. Marilyn Manson has swine flu. Hahahahahaha.

2. Instead of curing cancer, preventing the spread of HIV, or at least swine flu , the world has engineered a smoke-less cigarette. Said cigarette is now being given to passengers on Ryanair flights. For a fee, of course, since Ryanair flights legitimately charge passengers to go to the bathroom. My own experience with Ryanair has been limited and considerably unpleasant--8am flight from Copenhagen to Prague, meeting a friend without a Blackberry arriving from Italy, full bladder, 4 Euro charge for water--however, I think it would definitely have been augmented if I could buy smokeless cigarettes and "smoke" them aboard.....NO. Ryanair. World. Wtf. This invention might be more useless than Kindles. The whole fun of cigarettes is SMOKING them. This is like inventing a macaroni and cheese pill or something. "All the calories, none of the taste!" I think I might start a stupid inventions feature on this blog. Thus far: Kindle, smokeless cigarettes, Blackberry Bold, Katherine Heigl. Stay tuned. But speaking of Katherine Heigl, Grey's Anatomy THIS THURSDAY (Sneak peek first five minutes)! Will I sit through an hour of you pouting and being a poor actress to watch hot doctors eye f*ck? Yes.

3. This one actually very much relates to things that are happening to people who are me. My best friend, in addition to writing an artsy and witty and wonderful blog, has published the following article in our campus lifestyles magazine. (For much less exciting but obviously food-related articles by yours truly, click here). For those non-Commodores wondering about my post Europe/New York life, do read. It's very accurate.

4. Since I have no shame about creepily reading complete strangers' blogs, this girl (a DIS Copenhagen study abroad student this semester who I have never met and probably have absolutely nothing/no-one in common with except for Dane Worthington (swoon). This chick is currently blogging for DIS, which is how I found her page, but before that she blogged about her 4 THOUSAND kilometer bike ride from Baltimore to San Francisco for 4K For Cancer. Her description of her journey is amazing--this stranger makes me want to do something considerably more productive than eating food, watching tv, and writing about it. I have been looking for a project and this has further inspired me to really do something. Reports when I actually do.

Hmm. Two of those four things were actually directly related to me. Surprise surprise. On that note,

Things I am looking forward to this week: Girl Talk AND Super Mash Brothers at Vanderbilt, birthday dinners, Girl Scout philanthropy events (little girls + cookies. EEEE), and drinking on boats.

Thing of the Day: Taylor vs. Kanye

Okaaaaaaaay, let's talk Taylor vs. Kanye 2009.

But first, let's talk Sunday night television. Namely, Mad Men GOOD and True Blood BAD. Mad Men. Awesome. Loving Betty Draper's Demerol-induced hallucinations (but really, AMC, Demerol is alledgedly the drug that caused the King of Pop's untimely death...couldn't you have just given her morphine?), loving aggressive/slutty Peggy, loving obnoxious ice-cream sundae eating Roger. Done and done. True Blood--I've got to say I'm a little disappointed in HBO. Not "oh-my-god you forgot to bring the alcohol" flat out shocked but "oh boo, did you forget chasers again?" dull disappointment. The second to last episode before the season finale was amazing. The last scene with Tara and Lafayette dancing around the pulsating evil egg (trying to recap an episode of True Blood to non-watchers is even wierder than trying to recap an episode of LOST) really had potential--but come on, season finale. The egg didn't even hatch! It was just supposed to be licked. And in the end I found myself feeling almost bad for Maryann, black heart and all. But the good news is that Bill Compton looks fairly out of the picture, which opens up all sorts of Sookie/Eric sexual storylines. Yessss.

Moving on. T.Swift vs. K.West: The Ultimate Showdown. Let's discuss the VMAs in general. First of all...Russell Brand as a VMA host? Could you be more obnoxious? Rhetorical question. You could not. Russell Brand was funny for 10 minutes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and really should have taken the opportunity to quit while he was ahead. Penis jokes aren't funny anymore, young chap.

Second of all...Lady GaGa. I take back everything I said about you being too bizarre to be awesome. Unfazable NewYorker that I am, I am rarely shocked by anything that happens onstage--but Miss GaGa's performance on Sunday night was fabulous. True, she looked like she was possessed and may have lost a considerable amount of the sex appeal she had left, but she was phenomenal. Who else can put on a show like that?

Third of all...the Janet Jackson Michael Jackson tribute dance. It must be said that JJ was about .25 seconds behind all of MJ's screened moves, but the tribute was touching and she looked great.

And finally--Tahlor and Kanye. Upon first watching Kanye's antics, I felt horrible for Taylor Swift. Truly Carrie-blood-at-prom awful. The poor girl looked like she was going to cry. But then several things happened:

1)Her performance in the subway cars/on an NYC taxi. I know for a fact that Taylor Swift filming in a subway must have caused terrible subway traffic and subsequent delays. As an avid subway rider, I also know that this certaintly ruined several thousand of New Yorkers transit plans for a considerable period of time. Taylor--WTF. And furthermore, what are you doing standing on a New York City taxi? How did you get up there? I'd like to achieve that feat of acrobatics while "singing live." And do you know how many streets you were blocking with your antics? Woman, the city is gridlocked, couldn't you have used a damn set?

2)Her acceptance speech. When Beyonce won video of the year and pulled Taylor on stage to give her speech, the astonished teenaged, instead of thanking her parents, her friends, her label, God (cmon girl, you're a country singer), chose to thank all of her fans on Twitter and Myspace. Tayloooorr. Your fans on Twitter and Myspace? You're certaintly pretty enough to have real friends outside of the internet realm. Why not thank them? Get off the internet, chica.

3)It has to be said...Beyonce's video was significantly better than T.Swift's. As someone who spent a considerable amount of her Friday morning hangover sitting in the dark, eating cheez-its, and watching "You Belong With Me" on repeat, I can say this with no guilty feelings--that video is just not that good. First of all, there is no romantic development. How does this dude end up at senior prom all of a sudden in love with nerd-Taylor? And how did he think of bringing the "I Love You" card? Second, Brunnette-cool-Taylor isn't portrayed as nearly evil enough. Why would she be left for nerd-Taylor at prom of all places? And third, come on, it's 2009, the "I Love You" cards are entirely superflous, these three hornball teenagers would have been BBMing for the entirety of the video if it had any intentions of actually resembling real life. I do like the line "She's cheer captain and I'm in the bleachers" though.

4)I can't believe there isn't more of this idea out there, but has anyone considered the possibility that this is all just one huge publicity stunt? After all has been said and done, Taylor's booking The View, Kanye's booking Leno, Queen Beyonce reigns supreme, everyone feels bad for poor little teenager, and hell, K. West can be as big a jackass as he wants, as long as he keeps making music, people will keep buying it. This is the man who accused President Bush of hating black people. He can clearly do no wrong by his fans. Meanwhile, the VMA ratings are up 17%, and MTV is racking in reruns galore. Can we say conspiracy theory? I for one wouldn't count it out.

Not much on the schedule for this week except for phone interviews, on campus interviews, career fairs, interest meetings, a whole lotta business casual and attempts to get a real-person job for next year. Come on, major TV networks...please purchase The Daily Bogo for a reality TV show? I promise to out-LC LC, out-Whitney Whitney and out-Kristin Cavallari that biatch. I can't say anything about being as obnoxious as Heidi, but show me the contract and chances are, the morals will fly right out the door.

Thing of the Day: Fall

Helloooo darlings! I have been the most terrible of internet perusers lately, selfishly Facebook stalking and buying shoes instead of updating the blogosphere. I come back to you wiser (I now know the favorite quotes and interests of about half my middle school) and wealthier (in closet, not wallet), and full of thoughts, observations, and of course, complaints.

Since finishing my internship one week ago, I have spent a considerable amount of time destroying both my skin cells and my liver while lounging by pools and beaches with wines and beers galore. I would love to say I worked out every day and maintained a healthy diet, but the only days I didn't gorge myself on delicious homemade Russian goods and at eateries still holding on to Restaurant Week (yes, capitalized) were those when I was too busy or too hungover to--so alas, I return not only wiser and wealthier but also wider.

Life goes on. In addition to good food, this past week was excellent in terms of entertainment. Belated, I know, but can we talk Mad Men premiere? Don Draper, I want to bear your illegitimate children. Let's play good, bad and ugly:

Good: Don Draper's illegitimate children, my girrrrrrrrrrllll Joan Holloway, skinny and moderately attractive Peggy, the flashback opening scene with Don's prostitute mother, said mother saying "dick" on cable (AMC! Whoaaaa), Salvatore's new badass TV director position, THE CLOTHESSS

Bad: Hello, Betty Draper scenes? Where art thou? Same for Peggy scenes, you can't just show her slimmed down and sexy without any background information. Don--you are having a small child, stop shmoozing waitresses/flight attendants/anything with an orofice, Pete Campbell--nobody feels sorry for you, stop bitching and let me know what you are going to do about your lovechild with P.O?

Ugly: As happy as I am for Salvatore's televized man-love experience, was it really necessary to pair him with a bellhop half his size? I'm impressed with AMC's reach-in-the-pants-scene ballsiness (mild pun intended), but I think Sal could certaintly do better. He's a pretty suave dude.

That being said, I'm happy enough with the premiere. Mad Men, True Blood, Hung, Dexter and Weeds will be good enough to get me through summer/fall TV.Good lord, I really need to take up some new free time activities. Or not.

Other quality entertainment this week included 500 Days of Summer (great), an impromptu Beatles cover band by Central Park (greater), and an amateur freestyle rapper who "spit sick beatz" for an hour non-stop as I soaked in the sun at Brighton Beach (greatest).

15 hour road trip to Nashville in the AM. Expect musings. I have quite possibly had the best summer of my life since those spent at the mountain house and nerd camp (more on nerd camp later. Just go ahead and Google "Center for Talented Youth" and feel free to judge me. Or lament the fact that I have gone from talented youth to "adult of average intelligence"), and for the first time since getting to college I am kind of sad to leave New York City for Cashville, Tennakee. I had a summer of excellent adventures, from exploring new neighborhoods to trying new cuisines to going out way too much to finding myself in situations I had never ever expected to get in. But it was good--great, in fact. At the beginning of the summer I set a goal to try 100 new restaurants/cafes/bars/clubs and can proudly say that as of my departure I am 102 venues fuller and drunker.

Goodbye Northeast. Helloooo Dirtyyyyy South.