Thing of the Day: The Jersey Shore

First things first. A bunch of pretty excellent things have happened over the course of the past few weeks. For matters of organization, I will divide these into city categories:

Nashville, TN: I had a week left in Nashville after finishing my internship and all my final projects and I chose to spend it doing what I do best: watching TV and eating. I have become incredibly invested in How I Met Your Mother (please watch this clip of the best 30 seconds of television I have ever seen/an explanation of why the male race has anything to do with me), a sort of whacked out Friends-ish sitcom for the more cynical and promiscuous Aught generation (Did anyone else know the 2000's are most commonly referred to as the "Aughts?" Also, the "00s" and the "Naughties?" Apparently we're living in a decade suffering from an identity crisis), and since one of my best friends also wrapped up finals early and had plenty of time to invest in doing nothing, I had the chance to sample several new Nashville eateries. Lunch at The Yellow Porch was okay, lunch at 1808 Grille was awesome, dinner at Taco Mamacita was delicious, and drinks at The Patterson House were perfect for a date night/girls night out. My week of lounging and eating ended perfectly with a binge eating and drinking session with my best friends at our favorite, Sunset Grill, to fully purge every last cent of our Commodore Cash and reflect on the semester that just passed.

New York, NY: Though it took four bags, a layover and an obnoxiously long and pricey cab ride home from the airport (I hate cabs home from the airport and Mama B received a serious silent treatment for not greeting me at the gate), the second I got off the plane in New York, I remembered that my favorite thing about the city is how it all comes together during the holidays. Such thoughts were enhanced at a friends' "Jersey Shore Holiday Party" (God bless you, MTV), my grandparents' anniversary party (think three generations of Russians taking shots and dancing the Hora), and a day playing tourist with two of my favorite people (Low Point: the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree is smaller this year due to recession, purchasing socks at the Rockefeller Center GAP because ours were soaked through, High Point: Memphis: The Musical and the incredibly talented star, Montego Glover.

Stowe, VT: I survived the ski trip! And I actually enjoyed it. Thank you, plethora of spa treatments, attractive and talented ski instructors, and Mama and Papa Bogo. I managed to only have one near death experience in which I found myself on a slope that angled down approximately 70 degrees, sat down, promptly removed my skiis and walked/ran down chasing the one ski that fell out of my hand and would be found a quarter mile later casually resting by a rock. Stowe is an unbelievably cute town in which one can only find resorts, bed and breakfasts, general stores, glass blowing studios, and cheese/maple syrup shops and was a great escape from city life for a week. My parents managed to have a perfect Russian Orthodox Christmas Eve (hours of spa treatments, a four course Christmas dinner, and a sleigh ride through the woods) followed by a perfect American Jewish Christmas Day (skiing, Hibachi dinner, and movies in bed) and I'm headed home this morning.

That being said...The Jersey Shore. I don't think reality television has ever been this spot-on (sorry, Lauren). This show is beyond entertaining, beyond hilarious, and breaches all boundaries to pure genius. I have spent a mere four hours with the cast members of The Jersey Shore and I have never fallen in love/disgust quite so fast. Clearly my favorite is Snooki, the sloppy, shwasted, 4'10'' hybrid of an ethnic Barbie and one of those troll dolls with colorful tufts of hair and a rhinetstone in their bellybuttons. Over the course of the past four episodes, 21 year old New York native "Nicole" aka Snooki (me too me too!!) has managed to black out and make a complete fool of herself, pack up all her belongings to leave twice, get punched in the face by a fellow Jersey Shore club-goer, and describe to America that she "like, invented, the poof." She also has a fabulous collection of Von Dutch hats. As someone who also used to have a fabulous collection of Von Dutch hats (more details on my life as a thug/Guidette later, for further proof see the frat party costume box in my apartment), I feel like I relate to Snooki on many levels. If my parents had fed me mild rat poison instead of baby formula as a child, I'm sure we could understand each other thoroughly. Snooki has her very own You Tube channel. It is on my favorites tabs.

My second favorite character is "The Situation." The Situation is from Staten Island, aka, "How-the-hell-did-you-ever-become-a-borough-of-New-York-City-who-was-your-mayor-sleeping-with-your-entire-island-is-literally-built-on-a-garbage-landfill." Additionally, unlike the rest of the castmates, who are 21-23, ages at which you can do really dumb crap which you will laugh at later because you are either a)in college, or b)a bit of a life failure who never went but still college aged, The Situation is 27. Comparatively speaking, some other pop culture phenomenons who are aged 27 and younger: Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook. Chad Hurley, founder of YouTube. Kevin Rose, founder of Digg. The Jonas Brothers. Taylor freakin' Swift. The Situation is currently engaged in mad drama, yo, because his gurrrrrrrrl, Sammi Sweetheart, has been hooking up with his boy, DJ Pauly D**. Get your shit together, The Situation. How I adore watching train wrecks in action.

Judgement aside, The Jersey Shore airs every Thursday night. Because Thursdays are my favorite night out when I am at school, the roommates and I have invented a rather simple drinking game for watching. We have only played once, but the basic premise consisted of buying Jaager, Red Bull, and beer, and taking Jaager bombs every time hairgel, spray tanning, or spitting game was mentioned. The rest of that Thursday night was blurry. We hope to play again.

To everyone out there, Merry Christmas. Be safe. And please, pretty please, keep it klassy.

**It has been pointed out that Sammi Sweetheart is seeing not DJ Pauly D, but Ronni, who for some reason doesn't have a nickname. I am deeply sorry for this error on my television watching part and hope blog readers can forgive me.

Thing of the Day: Taylor vs. Kanye

Okaaaaaaaay, let's talk Taylor vs. Kanye 2009.

But first, let's talk Sunday night television. Namely, Mad Men GOOD and True Blood BAD. Mad Men. Awesome. Loving Betty Draper's Demerol-induced hallucinations (but really, AMC, Demerol is alledgedly the drug that caused the King of Pop's untimely death...couldn't you have just given her morphine?), loving aggressive/slutty Peggy, loving obnoxious ice-cream sundae eating Roger. Done and done. True Blood--I've got to say I'm a little disappointed in HBO. Not "oh-my-god you forgot to bring the alcohol" flat out shocked but "oh boo, did you forget chasers again?" dull disappointment. The second to last episode before the season finale was amazing. The last scene with Tara and Lafayette dancing around the pulsating evil egg (trying to recap an episode of True Blood to non-watchers is even wierder than trying to recap an episode of LOST) really had potential--but come on, season finale. The egg didn't even hatch! It was just supposed to be licked. And in the end I found myself feeling almost bad for Maryann, black heart and all. But the good news is that Bill Compton looks fairly out of the picture, which opens up all sorts of Sookie/Eric sexual storylines. Yessss.

Moving on. T.Swift vs. K.West: The Ultimate Showdown. Let's discuss the VMAs in general. First of all...Russell Brand as a VMA host? Could you be more obnoxious? Rhetorical question. You could not. Russell Brand was funny for 10 minutes in Forgetting Sarah Marshall and really should have taken the opportunity to quit while he was ahead. Penis jokes aren't funny anymore, young chap.

Second of all...Lady GaGa. I take back everything I said about you being too bizarre to be awesome. Unfazable NewYorker that I am, I am rarely shocked by anything that happens onstage--but Miss GaGa's performance on Sunday night was fabulous. True, she looked like she was possessed and may have lost a considerable amount of the sex appeal she had left, but she was phenomenal. Who else can put on a show like that?

Third of all...the Janet Jackson Michael Jackson tribute dance. It must be said that JJ was about .25 seconds behind all of MJ's screened moves, but the tribute was touching and she looked great.

And finally--Tahlor and Kanye. Upon first watching Kanye's antics, I felt horrible for Taylor Swift. Truly Carrie-blood-at-prom awful. The poor girl looked like she was going to cry. But then several things happened:

1)Her performance in the subway cars/on an NYC taxi. I know for a fact that Taylor Swift filming in a subway must have caused terrible subway traffic and subsequent delays. As an avid subway rider, I also know that this certaintly ruined several thousand of New Yorkers transit plans for a considerable period of time. Taylor--WTF. And furthermore, what are you doing standing on a New York City taxi? How did you get up there? I'd like to achieve that feat of acrobatics while "singing live." And do you know how many streets you were blocking with your antics? Woman, the city is gridlocked, couldn't you have used a damn set?

2)Her acceptance speech. When Beyonce won video of the year and pulled Taylor on stage to give her speech, the astonished teenaged, instead of thanking her parents, her friends, her label, God (cmon girl, you're a country singer), chose to thank all of her fans on Twitter and Myspace. Tayloooorr. Your fans on Twitter and Myspace? You're certaintly pretty enough to have real friends outside of the internet realm. Why not thank them? Get off the internet, chica.

3)It has to be said...Beyonce's video was significantly better than T.Swift's. As someone who spent a considerable amount of her Friday morning hangover sitting in the dark, eating cheez-its, and watching "You Belong With Me" on repeat, I can say this with no guilty feelings--that video is just not that good. First of all, there is no romantic development. How does this dude end up at senior prom all of a sudden in love with nerd-Taylor? And how did he think of bringing the "I Love You" card? Second, Brunnette-cool-Taylor isn't portrayed as nearly evil enough. Why would she be left for nerd-Taylor at prom of all places? And third, come on, it's 2009, the "I Love You" cards are entirely superflous, these three hornball teenagers would have been BBMing for the entirety of the video if it had any intentions of actually resembling real life. I do like the line "She's cheer captain and I'm in the bleachers" though.

4)I can't believe there isn't more of this idea out there, but has anyone considered the possibility that this is all just one huge publicity stunt? After all has been said and done, Taylor's booking The View, Kanye's booking Leno, Queen Beyonce reigns supreme, everyone feels bad for poor little teenager, and hell, K. West can be as big a jackass as he wants, as long as he keeps making music, people will keep buying it. This is the man who accused President Bush of hating black people. He can clearly do no wrong by his fans. Meanwhile, the VMA ratings are up 17%, and MTV is racking in reruns galore. Can we say conspiracy theory? I for one wouldn't count it out.

Not much on the schedule for this week except for phone interviews, on campus interviews, career fairs, interest meetings, a whole lotta business casual and attempts to get a real-person job for next year. Come on, major TV networks...please purchase The Daily Bogo for a reality TV show? I promise to out-LC LC, out-Whitney Whitney and out-Kristin Cavallari that biatch. I can't say anything about being as obnoxious as Heidi, but show me the contract and chances are, the morals will fly right out the door.