Thing of the Day: Sandra Bullock

Normally, I read celebrity gossip for two reasons:

1. Pretty things: Celebrities have really really pretty things and I want them. Often, H&M, Forever 21 and other stores I can afford to shop in make pretty things that look like the things that celebrities have, and I can buy them and be pleased at myself. Additionally, celebrities often hang out at New York venues I have been to, making me feel as if I am sort of one of them.

2. Schadenfreude: A German concept referring to "happiness at the misfortune of others." Beloved musical Avenue Q once said, "Schadenfreude...making me feel glad that I'm not you," and celebrity gossip often makes me feel this way. Who isn't glad to not be Britney Spears, or Heidi Montag, or that chick the Bachelor just picked that everyone hates (one trend I do not keep up with---reality dating shows). Reading celebrity gossip often reaffirms my happiness that I am not a celebrity, especially when really bad things happen to them or their cellulite is photographed. Of course, there are the instances where their 10 million dollar cribs and walk in closets the size of my apartment at school are photographed, and this concept fails.

Nonetheless, I never really think of celebrities as people, or identify with them. Some readers of celebrity gossip have favorite celebs, or one's whos stories they really track, but I don't. I have famous people I love to hate, but that's the closest I come to a favorite. And I never feel particularly bad when anything unfortunate happens to them.

Until now. Sandra Bullock, I want to write you fan mail. I want to send you a large basket of fruit with a card that says MISS CONGENIALITY WAS AWESOME AND SO ARE YOU! I want to hold you in my arms and eat Ben&Jerry's One Sweet Whirled (the actual ice cream, not the frozen yogurt version) and watch romantic comedies (perhaps your own) and tell you that its okay and tht your ex-husband's a cheating Nazi (which, actually, he is). Also, I haven't actually seen it, but everyone I know thinks The Blind Side was really good. And for one born in 1964, which makes you...umm...46(!!!), gurl, you look great.