Thing of the Day: Sexual Innuendos

I had a difficult time deciding what I should write about today. Topics ranged from possible ways to split up Jon + Kate's 8 (1 twin and 3 sextuplets each? twins to Jon, sextuplets to Kate? by gender--5 girls to Kate and 3 boys to Jon?), to updates on the many meals I ate this weekend (if you are in the East Village and in the mood for perfectly flaky halibut and a $22 dollar bottle of white, please go here), to commentary on the weather--(Al Roker. You have promised rain for two days now. I have worn ugly shoes. It has not rained. I am starting to think you a corrupt trickster, a la the weatherman on Curb Your Enthusiasm. If not for the Speidi interview and your general chubby cuteness, I don't think I could forgive you).

Until this. The ADD fluttering around my head was rapidly halted when I saw the above newly released Burger King advertisement. "The BK Super Seven Incher. It will blow your mind away."Open mouth, insert phallic sandwich shaped and sized approximately like the average male genitalia.

WTF. This ad does not make me want to eat a Burger King Super Seven Incher, or a penis. Yes--even despite the small lettering on the bottom that reads "Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled with the NEW BK SUPER SEVEN INCHER." Who has a desire for something long, juicy and FLAME GRILLED except for some sick sadistic pyromaniac S&M-ster? And WHO is writing copy for Burger King these days? Paris H? Kimmy K? Heidi M? Miley C?

The ad does, however, remind me of a favorite similarly sexually inuendo-ed one passed around the Zoom Media office last summer:

If possible, the above lemon looks even more like a female sexual organ than the Super Seven Incher does a male one. "True taste comes naturally." Come on, Absolut. My fellow intern and I quizzically discussed whether such advertising is supposed to make you want to go buy vodka (or a sandwich) or call your ex boyfriend, and I'm curious again. I can't wait till the feminists get their hands on this one.

And just because I hate feminists, the following outrageously innuendo-ed ads (thanks, Google image!) for milk come from my very own Mother Russia.



These make Heidi Klum and Hayden Panneteirre's Got Milk ads look like demure. And like they're actually meant to sell milk.